I was at 1st Birthday Party a
couple of months ago when I met up with a friend I don’t get to see very
often. He said something that has stuck
with me ever since, and gave me a bit of a warm glow. Although his tone was
almost like he was telling me off, I took what he said as quite a compliment;
“When are you going to write something
again? I don’t care what it’s about, but can you please just write something
again? I really like your style of writing, it’s a good read.”
So I’ve sat on this statement for the last
3 months, pondering what to write. It’s
been hard to try and put in to words what I have felt about my journey on this
blog… and the fact that I haven’t updated it in a year.
Firstly, I’m going to get out of the way
the fact that did not reach my initial goal.
I did not loose the 20kg I had set to loose. I fluctuated between loosing 5-7kg for the
entire year. But can I tell you what did
happen, I learnt so much about myself and the process of what I was trying to
achieve that by the time my wedding came around, I did not give two figs about
what I weighed and nor did my husband.
My wedding day was and still is one of the absolute happiest days of my
life. The ones we love surrounded us,
and they got to witness the love we have for each other, which after all is the
whole point. I wore a dress that was
hand made with love, and fit my shape perfectly. I could not have been happier
that day, and I now know that my weight was never a factor to my
happiness. Yes, weighing less is still
something I am working towards, but for my health, not because I think my
husband will be happier with a skinnier version of me.
There are many things that have happened
over the last 12 months, and Personal Development and growth are just 2 of
those things, but they’re probably the most important.
*I have changed jobs, and grown to realize
that my health & happiness is far more important than any job, and trying
to please the people you work for with their unrealistic expectations will
never lead to the things I was truly looking for.
*I have learnt there is no single way to
parent and that what I do is neither wrong or right, it’s just my way. And what works for me is what matters to me,
what works for you is what matters to you. And that difference of opinions in
parenting is just that, a difference of opinion. The way another person parents is completely
up to them, and until it impacts me and my family directly then it’s absolutely
no business of mine what they get up to.
*I have learnt that I am not a “hands on”
Mother. Perhaps that’s not the right
word for it, but I’m struggling to find the correct word. I certainly get in
there and do my bit, but I am fortunate enough to have a husband who does his
equal share if not more. The saying “it
takes a whole village to raise a child” is so true in my world. We have laid some very important foundations
for what we believe is important for our little girl, but we are certainly open
to her experiencing more than what we can give her.
* I have learnt to be more open… to
everything! Earlier this year, I let
myself be open enough to listen to an idea that I would have previously
dismissed in the blink of an eye. But
instead, I sat, I listened, I took in what was around me, and with that I have
started a new business that I never imagined I would be part of. Since starting this business I have never
been happier. I feel like I’ve found what I was looking for, that I have
finally found my place. It’s a strange feeling being so certain about
something, but I’m certain this is where I’m meant to be and what I’m meant to
be doing.
* I have learnt that family is not always
those that are your blood relatives. We
are lucky to be surrounded by some beautiful people that mean the absolute
world to us. These people are such a huge part of our lives, and we will always
see them as our family.
Secondly, on this Mother’s Day, I want to
write about my Mum. As some of you know,
my Mum, Bev, passed away from Cancer in 2010.
She was just 57 years old. But in
her short 57 years, she achieved many great things. And it’s these things that have made me
realize what’s really important to me.
My Mum was one of the people that seemed to
lack the filter between brain and mouth.
She rarely thought before she spoke and would often offend people with
her careless choice of words. However,
what’s important to know about my Mum is that she didn’t have a mean bone in
her body. She never once said something
to intentionally hurt someone, she just didn’t realize what she was saying
could hurt someone’s feelings. I think
I have a certain amount of this feature in me.
I am often referred to as “direct”.
Very true, I will always tell it like it is. But just like my Mum, it’s not to hurt
people. I’ve always thought that honesty
is the best policy, and pussyfooting around the truth is never going to help
anyone.
Mum was a homebody. She loved staying in on the weekends and
doing her sewing or knitting or cooking or whatever project she had on the
go. My memories of weekends at home are filled
with the sounds of Mum’s sewing machines, the smells of something delicious
cooking in the oven or on the stove, and the peace that it all brought
her. We live a life that seems to fill
up our weekends going here there and everywhere. We don’t often have a weekend at home, but
when we do I try to bring about the peace I remember Mum had in her home. I cook some of her favorite meals, and
although I can’t sew I try to do something creative of my own. It’s these simple things that help to reset
me and bring me the peace I’m looking for.
It’s taken me a while to realize it, but my Mum was on to a good thing.
I can remember growing up some of the
things my Mum used to say to us as kids, and I find myself saying those same
things to my daughter now. Once upon a
time this would have been a frightening thing, “oh no, I’m turning into my
mother!” But when you don’t have a
mother, just her memories, trying to emulate her is such an important part of
keeping those memories alive. If I am
half the mother that my own Mum was to me, then I think I’m doing OK.
My Mum had a beautiful soul. She was truthful, she was real, she was
basic, she was rare, and she was my Mum.
And this year, just like every year, I miss her and thank her for the
love she gave me and gifts in life she taught me. Because of her, I am a Mother who squeezes
her daughter just a little bit tighter every night, just incase she needs an
extra bit of love.
Finally, I've decided to keep this blog going, and the name will remain the same because each year I feel like a new me arises. I'm not that same person I was from one year to the next. It won't be about weight loss but it will be about me and the changes life brings my way.
Warm love and happiness to you all xx
