Finding My Balance with Summit Sisters

You've all heard me mention previously how supportive and wonderful Mr Fitness is, well he's gone above and beyond this time, and sent me away for 3 nights on a Summit Sisters Balance Retreat.  It was originally meant to be a complete surprise for my birthday, but there were pieces of info he needed from me, so the cat was let out of the bag.  Let me tell you all about my wonderful weekend....

Friday morning I was up nice and early with Princess A and Mr Fitness and they took me to the airport to catch a flight to Sydney.  Sitting at the airport contemplating what lie ahead of me, I became so nervous and anxious, the tears began to well in my eyes.  I was leaving my little girl for 3 nights. I had never spent a night away from her and it was going to be very emotional saying goodbye. I was also about to spend the weekend with a bunch of women I'd never met - generally speaking, I would try and avoid groups of women to eliminate the judging and bitching that can often come from women. I needed a distraction, so I browsed the bookshop for something to read on my weekend, and decided to go with some fiction.... then realised it was the first time in over a year I'd read a book that wasn't about being pregnant or parenting...WOW!! As my flight was called to board, I hugged my family and watched them walk away - thank goodness I had my sunglasses with me to hide my tears!

Arriving in Sydney, I picked up my hire car and received a triple upgrade - thanks Avis! Then headed off on my way to the lovely town of Bundanoon. As I followed the directions on my smart phone I could feel the nervous feelings start to rise up again as I got closer and closer to my destination.  When the little voice came over the speakers with "Your destination is on your left" I had finally reached the beautiful property called "Bellmore".  Driving through the gates I was instantly overcome with emotion, I had the sense I was coming home.  The property was breathtaking, with a Buddha Dam, horses roaming in the paddock, rabbits bouncing about and kangaroos bounding away.  Feelings of nervousness and a fear of the unknown was ripe in my mid. The tears welled uncontrollably in my eyes... and then into my view came the beautiful Moroccan Villa. It was HUGE!!  I pulled the car up in the parking space and took a long deep breathe to try and control my emotions.

Out of the house bounded a lovely young lady full of smiles and warmth.  As she approached me my anxiety and nerves started to fade. I introduced myself and she said she had read my blog and was very excited to have me here, then asked if she could hug me.  It was one of the loveliest hugs I'd ever received, full of warmth and support. I instantly knew I was in the right place and that my weekend would be filled with some great experiences, and that this must be Gretel, one of my hosts.
As she walked me inside, I was greeted by Jo, the other host, and yet another lovely smile and reassuring hug.  After our introductions, I looked about and took in my surroundings.... WOW!!  The house was beautiful! The energy was spacious and warm and instantly calming.

I was shown to my room and then able to have a walk about and explore the house and property. Each room was HUGE! With a bathroom equally as large!  I had a goody bag on my bed with a few items from some of the Summit Sisters sponsors - who doesn't love a goody bag!
I wandered down to the kitchen where I met Greta & Phil, the beautiful mothers of Gretel & Jo. They were to be our cook's for the weekend.  They had a lovely nurturing nature about them that made me feel very safe and secure, I just wanted to hug them and take them home with me.

It was explained to me that the weekend was all about relaxing and enjoying myself, so my first task was to sit down and have a cup of tea - I'd forgotten how awesome it is to finish a whole cup of tea while it was still hot!  After a short while the other guests started to arrive.  Generally speaking this would have made me very nervous and being the insecure person I am, I would normally feel like everyone was judging me.  But that just wasn't the case.  Within a very short while of meeting these amazing women, it was very clear we were all so very different, yet we'd all come to the same place, so the differences were not an issue, rather our own little uniqueness that set us each apart... but we all had a similar goal - to relax and enjoy ourselves.

Jo & Gretel went through the official welcome and introduced themselves formally and gave us a little background on how & why they came to create Summit Sisters and what they were wanting to achieve with their Balance Retreat - a place where women of all different ages and backgrounds could come together to relax and share in each others knowledge and goals. They also explained that while there was an itinerary for the weekend, we were not obliged to attend every yoga session, or workshop.  It was all voluntary and if ever anyone was out of there comfort zone then they were not required to do anything at all.  It was so nice to have no pressure on participating.

After the formal introductions and hearing about why each of us were there - and yes, there were several tears from my emotional little self... but the support and warmth I received from everyone was very reassuring, it was now time to head off on a short walk to the Buddha Dam for a guided meditation.  I've done a bit of meditation in the past and was more than happy to participate as I knew the healing benefits of meditation, but I never imagined the release this particular meditation would give me.  I really did leave my stress and worries down there by the dam, and as I felt the tears falling down my face I felt my heart and mind open up to any new experience I would have over the weekend.  It was a beautiful way to start my journey.

A large part of our weekend was centred around food and sharing great meals together.  As always, food is such a great way of bringing people together, and the food we were served was very delicious and nutritious.  Not only that, but we were all given a Summit Sisters recipe book to take home to recreate the meals if we wished.  Great idea!

Saturday started with our first yoga session.  I've not done a lot of yoga in the past, but I have to say it became my favourite part of the weekend.  Jo is an excellent teacher, making sure everyone has a chance to do each exercise, adding different levels of advancement where necessary.  Not once did I feel like the novice I am, most of the time I didn't even notice the other women around me, I was far too busy focusing on my breath and posture.  There were 2 sessions a day and each time I could feel myself focusing more on each pose and stretch, it was a great feeling.  This first yoga session became a very pivotal point in the weekend for me.  That day was 3 years to the day since my Mum passed away, and it's still very emotional for me. But, at the end of the session, as with each yoga session, we were doing another guided meditation.  It was in that beautiful moment that I could feel my Mum's hand on my shoulder and feel her love surrounding me.  I've had this feeling on other occasions, but this time it was as if she was helping me to open up and enjoy my experience. From that point on, I had a smile on my face for the entire weekend.

Our day continued with more focus on nutritious food and also a wellness and balance workshop.  This workshop was such an eye opener.  It really made me think about my values in life and what my priorities are, and that it's OK to have different values than the person next to you.  I found it to be a very confronting exercise, but one I'd like to continue to do every six months or so to keep myself in check.

That afternoon we had the option of going for a hike.  We were taken to a beautiful nearby national park where we hiked down to the base of a stunning waterfall.  The views were quite amazing and it gave a few of us the chance to chat individually, again teaching me that our individualities were such an important part of each of us.  Taking in my surroundings and just being in the moment helped me to clear my head of too many thoughts.  I also had the feeling of really living, like I wasn't wasting my days away, that I was actually out seeing parts of the world I'd never seen before and it was just beautiful.

After returning to the house, we were treated to a wine and cheese tasting. Jo & Gretel had approached local businesses from the Southern Highlands and were able to provide us with some delicious wine from Tertini Wines and delectable cheeses from Small Cow Farm.  The region has some amazing produce to offer and I for one have already ordered some of their amazingness online to enjoy over the Christmas break!

Sunday morning I woke feeling wonderful and really looked forward to our yoga session, which was followed by yet another delicious meal.  That afternoon I attended the dream setting and achievement workshop.  Again, more learning about what I really want in my life.  I loved that we were encouraged to dream big - the bigger and more unreachable the better!  It certainly gave me a lot to think about and before I knew it there were so many goals and dreams on my page I barely had any room left.  We were also encouraged to think about small steps to take in order to achieve these goals.  Little by little I felt like I'd etched out a plan to achieve some amazing things, and not just to "win lotto" but to actually make the change and do something about what I want.  It seems so simple when I say it now, but prior to this weekend, I would never even imagined some of the items on my list were possible....now I can't imagine them not being possible.

The highlight of Sunday for me had to be my 30 minute massage with "Magic Hands" Meg.  She was brilliant and created a wonderful environment to relax in while she worked on my tense spots - I walked away feeling like I was floating.

Our dinner on Sunday night was yet again another 3 course feast full off delicious nutritious food & wine.  I have to say, the meal times were definitely a highlight of the weekend. Each meal I found myself sitting next to someone different and learning more and more about them and me.

Monday morning seemed to come around far too quickly and before I knew it we were doing our last yoga session and eating our last meal together. The mixed emotions of sadness for the experience being over, and happiness over the realisation of the small personal goals I'd achieved was hard to process.  But finally we said our goodbyes and my trip back to Melbourne began.

Over the course of the weekend I had a chance to sit down with Jo and Gretel individually and chat about so many different aspects of their world and mine.  The help and support they gave me and the confidence to continue my journey was invaluable.  I met some incredible women and learnt so much about myself, and I really can't thank Summit Sisters enough for creating such a fantastic weekend.  I walked away with a clarity and peace I've not felt in a very long time.

Summit Sisters run some amazing trail events/runs and retreats based in NSW. You never know, with enough persistence, I may even be able to persuade them to run an event in Victoria!
Please check out their website here for any information and to connect with some great women.

Gadgets for the Win!

It's been about 2 weeks since my last post.  In that time I've been quite up and down with my exercise & eating habits.  But... I feel like I'm actually making progress!

I received many comments and tips from some of my lovely readers on how to motivate myself, and as per my last post, I've now set some goals to work towards.  In this post I wanted to share with you my Top 3 tips that I've implemented and how they've been working for me.

1. Get a Fitbit

One lovely friend suggested that I get a Fitbit to help track my movements and steps throughout the day.  I've been wearing my Fitbit for a week now and have completely fallen in love! I'm very much a gadget person, whether for fitness, kitchen or office, I love me a fancy new gadget to get me going.  The Fitbit has been an excellent motivation to get my butt off the couch and achieve my daily goal of 10,000 steps.  In fact, given that my intent is to exercise daily, I've just upped my goal to 15,000 steps a day. Seeing my iPhone flash with the little badge when I've reached my goal, and seeing my Fitbit light up when I'm doing an awesome job is like having my own personal cheer-squad. I can highly recommend the Fitbit to anyone who is interested in getting themselves moving.

2. Set a good soundtrack

Another great suggestion was to set myself a good soundtrack while I'm working out.  Again I've gone in the gadget direction and dug out my iPod Shuffle.  I set up a new workout play list and have made sure that every song that comes on is one to help me up my pace and get me moving whether I'm at the gym, walking or going for a jog.  Today was an especially good day for motivating songs.  I was on the exercise bike at the gym feeling particularly pumped and motivated, and then on came the Hilltop Hoods with "Chase that feeling".  And boy did I chase! I could see my goal right in front of me and I felt so focused and in the moment - such an awesome feeling.  Then to top if off, the next song was Alicia Keys "Girl on Fire". I love me a great a rockin' song about chicks kicking ass! 

3. Set a workout time

The final piece of advice I've taken on board was from my lovely sister.  She suggested I set a time to exercise and stick to.  Yet again, the gadgets have come in to play.  Mr Fitness and I share an iCalendar to make sure we're not double booking ourselves for social events etc. I'm extremely lucky to have a gym in my area that also provides daycare for 1 hour sessions. So I've made sure that I've booked in with the daycare up to 2 weeks in advance and put it in our shared calendar for every workout session I intend on doing.  This has been great at getting me out there and working hard.  I'm not one for being late to appointments or letting people down and cancelling, so if it's in the diary I'm more than likely to make it happen.

So far the scales aren't showing a lot of progress... but I'm really starting to feel great.  I have more energy and my clothes are very slowly starting to loosen up - wahoo!!

Goals With Heart & Soul

In my last post, I requested your help to find my exercise mojo.  And many of you came to the party and helped me out with some great advice and tips on how to get back into the swing of things.  But one piece of advice really stood out: Set an exercise goal.

So I've set myself 2 short-term exercise goals.  I wanted my goals to have meaning and be things I know I can achieve

First Goal: to run 10km in under 1 hour by the end of January 2013.  This is something I know is absolutely achievable. I've done this in the past, and I know with some training I'll be able to get back there.

Second Goal:  To complete the West Gippsland Relay for Life. This goal is something very close to my heart.  Many of you already know my story, but for those that don't let me fill you in.

In 2010 I lost both of my parents to Cancer.  My Dad, Nicko, was a tradie, who worked hard his whole life to provide for his wife and 3 children.  In April 2008 he was diagnosed with Kidney & Liver Cancer.  The tumours were inoperable due to their size and quantity. He underwent experimental chemotherapy to try and combat the tumours and reduce their quantity and size to try and remove them.

In November of 2009 my Mum, Bev, was diagnosed with a very rare kind of Sarcoma called Stewart Treves Syndrome.  After surviving breast cancer in 2003, Mum was left with lymphedema in her left arm, a condition that basically meant the lymph fluid in her arm was not draining out properly, so her arm was constantly swollen and enlarged.  5% of cancer suffers can obtain this condition, of that 5%, 0.03% have been diagnosed with Stewart Treves Syndrome.  It is a very rapid form of Cancer and my Mum was given 6 months to live.  So my family all rallied around my folks to give them every bit of support possible, and my Dad especially told me it was my Mum who needed the most care & attention - he would be fine.  He wasn't.   After undergoing 2 years of chemotherapy treatment & a botched biopsy by a less than acceptable surgeon/hospital, he was admitted to a palliative care unit to get his pain under control.  Less than 24 hours later he passed away on the 14th April 2010 with my Mum by his side.  I was fortunate enough to be able to say goodbye, and tell him one last time that I loved him, but I still miss him every single day.

My Mum, sister, brother & I, were left to pick up the pieces and carry on with life without our Dad - it was really hard.  Life was so very different.  Mum was undergoing intense Chemotherapy for her own condition, so I stepped in as carer whenever I could.  Taking her to appointments and the hospital when necessary.  It was a very difficult time... but I'm so glad I was able to be there with her. We cried together, we laughed together. She told me stories about her and Dad, she learned to forgive others for their mistakes in life, knowing she didn't want to take any bad feelings with her when she left this world.  She slipped away from us on the 30th November 2010. 

Burying both of your parents in the one year is something I never wish upon anyone. It is heart wrenching and horrible. But I got through this ordeal with the amazing support of my wonderful Fiancé and a very long line of caring family & friends.  I am very fortunate to have such wonderful people in my world.  

Mum was 57 when she died, Dad just 56. Far too young to leave this world, but I've never been angry about their deaths.  It was not their choosing, if they could have stayed here, they would have, I know this.  They both unknowingly contracted incurable diseases - just like thousands of others across the globe.

The wonderful staff at Peter McCallum Cancer Institute did everything possible for my Mum as did the Monash medical Centre for my Dad. It is with those excellent facilities in mind that I one day hope we can find a cure for the awful disease that takes peoples lives long before they are ready.  The Cancer Council is an excellent charity that does a lot of very much needed work with current cancer suffers, survivors and carers.  

SO.... Mr Fitness and I are taking on the Relay for Life challenge and we're aiming to raise $1,000 for a charity very close to our hearts.  Please click on the link below & show your support in any way possible.  We're also looking for people to join our team, "Nicko's Warriors", so if you're interested please contact me via my Facebook page and I can send you some info.

http://vic.cancercouncilfundraising.org.au/personalPage.aspx?registrationID=671224&langPref=en-CA

I Need Your Help...

I'm at Day 16 of my challenge.... still a VERY long way to go, and I'm asking for your help.

When I started this challenge I was full of gusto and determination.  I was ready to face my reality and attack my issues head on, but in all honesty I'm already lacking a bit of motivation.  Not with the entire concept, just with the exercise portion of my challenge.

I stated in my opening post that I would exercise daily.  So far I've lied. I've not done anywhere near the amount of exercise I should be doing.  My Fiancé, Mr Fitness, has very plainly explained my issue. "You suffer from this a lot, honey. You start off so well and then loose interest and motivation."  He's dead on, my interest and motivation has definitely started to wain.  For many of you that know me, I'm sure you think the exercise part of this challenge should come quite easily.  I like being active, Mr Fitness is a qualified Personal Trainer (aside from his day job) and for the last 8 years I've always had some sort of fitness goal I was striving for, from running half marathon's to walking 100km, there was always something I was working towards to keep my fitness on track. However, I seem to be lacking what it takes to get me back to my glory days of fabulous fitness.

A few weeks ago I injured my left calf and have been having intense physiotherapy each week to try and get it sorted.  My main issue with this is that it stopped me from going to my beloved Step class & Spin class at the gym.  I got very down on myself for not being able to attend these sessions, but in reality there a million other things I could be doing for myself! As Mr Fitness has so kindly pointed out to me, I could do an ab-workout, focus on my upper body strength, or just get out there and walk with Princess A & Poppy.  But no, I have only done these things a couple of times since I began.  

I did manage to get out and about last night with Mr Fitness, Princess A & Poppy for a lovely walk, and I took these pics along the way.


Although it was an enjoyable time with my family, it's just not enough.  I seem to have lost my mojo with wanting to get out there a be active.  I need to find it again, and I'm asking for your help.  Do have any suggestions for getting me back on track?  Can you share any tips that you might use to keep you focused on your fitness?  I'd love to hear from you, so please leave a comment below, or on my Facebook page.

So Far So Good.

Today is Day 11 of my challenge, and so far I've been happy with my results and commitment, however there's always room for improvement.

On Day 9 I weighed in at 93.4kg - Yay for me!!

When I began this process I didn't want to do a weekly weigh-in as such, I also didn't want to take measurements of myself. But I do need to track my process and report in on how I'm doing, so that I'm still being accountable for my actions. So I have decided to randomly weigh myself when I feel like I need a boost. I often find when I'm feeling like my hard work and determination is getting me nowhere, if I jump on the scales I'm usually proven wrong.  I just need to ensure I don't go overboard with wanting to weigh myself. Being too dependant on the scales has not done me well in the past, and I don't expect it will in the future.  I can remember a time when I would weigh myself nearly everyday... and the only thing it ever did for me was turn me into a weight obsessed calorie counter, and clearly that wasn't good for me, nor did it work.  I would worry about every item that entered my mouth and what the calorie content was.  I was never concerned with the nutritional value of what I was eating, which I believe is far more important than how many calories are in your meal.

Some time ago, I discovered a book called the Primal Blueprint by Mark Sisson.  Basically his theory is that returning our eating & exercising habits to that of the caveman can reduce several health risks and improve your overall well being (you can check out Mark's website here).  I found it to be a very interesting read, and a lot of what he was saying just made sense to me.  Since reading his book, I've discovered a whole world of people who are subscribing to the Primal lifestyle, which is quite similar to a Paleo lifestyle, and they all seem to healthier and happier since they began their journey.  One of the main points of a Primal/Paleo diet is to eat natural whole foods - the less human intervention the better.  I'm sure most of you know the damage refined sugars and the like can do to your health, and since my journey is not just about loosing weight, but also about being healthier and happier, I've decided to get back on the Primal/Paleo bandwagon.

Prior to pregnancy my diet was about 80% Primal.  This is what I aim to get back to.  During pregnancy I lost my way and gave in to the cravings of breads, pastas and all the deliciousness that comes in the form of carbs.  After having Princess A I didn't stop, I continued on the downward spiral of eating processed foods and all things bad.... and a LOT of it.  So my big change has been getting back into the habit of eating fresh, whole, non-processed food.  And I've found some delicious recipes  and tips that I'd like to share with you on occasion.

Being Primal means cutting out all grains.  That's right ALL grains.  So, no bread, pasta, flours, cereals etc.  Which can make breakfast a little difficult.  Luckily I love eggs... and nuts.  Because my 2 main breakfast choices are now either an omelette loaded with tomato, bacon, zucchini and mushrooms OR Paleo Nut Granola with natural yoghurt.  I found a brilliant website called Eat Drink Paleo that's loaded with recipes and tips for delicious Paleo food ideas.  So far this Nut Granola has been my saviour for a quick breakfast.  You can find the Nut Granola and other great recipes by clicking here.

It's important that I reiterate that I'm only trying to achieve an 80% Primal diet.  My main reason for this is simple.... I still want to live a normal life and go out to eat with my friends and family.  I want to able to celebrate special occasions with people and have a drink or 2 when I'm out socialising.  I don't want to be one of those people that gets invited over for dinner, but then says, "Sorry, I don't eat that anymore."  I have no allergies, I have no reason to not eat what someone has lovingly prepared for me. I will simply accept and enjoy the meal... but I will be eating less of what is offered than I previously would have.  This is my choice, just as you will have your choice in how you achieve your goals.

As the title of my post suggests, so far so good.  I'll continue on my way hope for more great results next time I post :)

With Support Comes Courage

It has take me 2 days to work up the courage to post these pics, but with the overwhelming support I have received from my friends and family & the Facebook community, I've plucked up enough courage to show you all my starting point.
The purpose of these shots is purely to remind myself of what I was when I started this journey - what I am right now.  By posting these onto such a public space, I'm hoping it will give me the motivation to not be this way again.  To me, these shots are not just a physical representation of what i don't want to look like, they show me the how unhappy & unhealthy I am.

Behind the clothes, make-up and bulges there is a heart that is full of love for a Fiancé & baby, but none for myself. This is what I'm trying to change.  One of my Mum's favourite songs was Whitney Houston's "Greatest Love of All".  She would play it in the car, rewinding the cassette each time it ended to hear it again.  It was a song my sister and I would sing at the top of our lungs in our bedroom in front of the mirror.  At the time I didn't quite understand it's meaning.... but now I do.  And this is what I'm trying to achieve from this process.  At this point in time, I do not love myself. I have trouble even liking myself some days.  But I used to love the person I was and I was confident about who I was. I know it will return, but it will take time, and hard work. And that is what I know I can do - hard work. I will make this happen. I will achieve my goal.

Thank you to everyone who has shown me their support.  It has been very overwhelming.  I am so appreciative.  XXX

The Beginning

Wednesday 16^th October 2013. 

Today it starts. Today I change. Not tomorrow, not next week, but today. I’ve let it go on far too long, and I can’t keep doing this to myself.  I need to act now or I fear I’ll continue on a downward spiral.

I stepped onto the bathroom scales and saw that too well rounded number and the fear and loathing that comes with that number set in far too quickly.  I will not be angry about this. I will not let this upset me. I will change. I will be proactive and do what it takes to get myself back. To be the person I was, who I really am. 

So I am taking a stand against myself and everything I don’t want to be. I am putting this out there for the world to see and being accountable for my actions.  I can’t hide from something that I’m making so public. 

Today, Wednesday the 16^th October 2013, I weigh 95.0kg.  In 1 year and 2 days time, my goal is to be 20kg lighter. 

“Why 1 year and 2 days” I hear you ask? Because that’s the day that I’ll be marrying the love of my life, the father of my beautiful baby and my best friend.

Although, this isn’t just about looking good for my wedding day, this is about being a better parent, being a better role model.  My little girl is 5 months and 1 week old. She is the single greatest thing that I have every produced and I want to make her proud.  Her Dad is the greatest role model ever. He’s a very fit, healthy, fun, Dad. He runs…a lot! I was a relatively fit and healthy kind of gal pre-pregnancy, but I let myself go when I focused my entire world on my beautiful baby.  And although my world will still be focused on my little girl, it will also start to become a little more focused on me.  How can I be a great Mum, role model and wife when I can’t keep up with my kid at the park, or walk our dog without feeling like I might die? How can I support my future husband in his healthy, fit lifestyle, when I am not those things?

And happiness…. What I believe to be the most important thing in life.  I need to find my happiness.  When I was single I always used to say “I don’t need a man to make me happy, but I’d like one to share my happiness with.”  That was when I knew who I was, what I wanted, where I was going. Since having a baby that has all changed.  I’ve forgotten a large part of who I am, because my whole world revolves around my baby.  I’ve forgotten what I wanted.... thanks to my baby brain! And I’ve lost my way.  For the last 5 months, I have sat on my couch, fed my baby, played with my baby, watched TV while she slept, and eaten all the wrong things in between these activities. 

I know what you’re thinking, “everyone puts on a little bit weight when they have a baby, it’s only natural.” And I’m ok with pregnancy weight gain.  During my pregnancy, I gained 14kg. I could always justify this as a normal weight gain and I wasn’t too upset with it.  But as of today, I now weigh 2kg more than the morning I had my baby.  I was 93kg the morning I went in to hospital.  5 days later, I came home 6kg lighter at 87kg.  So in the last 5 months, I’ve put on 8kg.  And all of it is from not looking after myself, from not caring about myself. And to be honest, it makes me feel disgusted.  And that’s a feeling that I haven’t had in a very long time.

So here it is, my pledge:

I pledge to be a better Mum, role model & Fiancé, to be healthy, fit and happy. In becoming these things, I will reach my goal of weighing 75kg by the 18^th October 2014.

 I don’t plan on counting calories, or eating celery sticks for 12 months.  There is no magic pill that will drop this weight off me.  It will be through hard work and determination. I will be sensible with my food choices and exercise daily.  I will post regular updates on my progress and perhaps a few pics along the way. 

I will make this happen, and it will start now!