The Beginning

Wednesday 16^th October 2013. 

Today it starts. Today I change. Not tomorrow, not next week, but today. I’ve let it go on far too long, and I can’t keep doing this to myself.  I need to act now or I fear I’ll continue on a downward spiral.

I stepped onto the bathroom scales and saw that too well rounded number and the fear and loathing that comes with that number set in far too quickly.  I will not be angry about this. I will not let this upset me. I will change. I will be proactive and do what it takes to get myself back. To be the person I was, who I really am. 

So I am taking a stand against myself and everything I don’t want to be. I am putting this out there for the world to see and being accountable for my actions.  I can’t hide from something that I’m making so public. 

Today, Wednesday the 16^th October 2013, I weigh 95.0kg.  In 1 year and 2 days time, my goal is to be 20kg lighter. 

“Why 1 year and 2 days” I hear you ask? Because that’s the day that I’ll be marrying the love of my life, the father of my beautiful baby and my best friend.

Although, this isn’t just about looking good for my wedding day, this is about being a better parent, being a better role model.  My little girl is 5 months and 1 week old. She is the single greatest thing that I have every produced and I want to make her proud.  Her Dad is the greatest role model ever. He’s a very fit, healthy, fun, Dad. He runs…a lot! I was a relatively fit and healthy kind of gal pre-pregnancy, but I let myself go when I focused my entire world on my beautiful baby.  And although my world will still be focused on my little girl, it will also start to become a little more focused on me.  How can I be a great Mum, role model and wife when I can’t keep up with my kid at the park, or walk our dog without feeling like I might die? How can I support my future husband in his healthy, fit lifestyle, when I am not those things?

And happiness…. What I believe to be the most important thing in life.  I need to find my happiness.  When I was single I always used to say “I don’t need a man to make me happy, but I’d like one to share my happiness with.”  That was when I knew who I was, what I wanted, where I was going. Since having a baby that has all changed.  I’ve forgotten a large part of who I am, because my whole world revolves around my baby.  I’ve forgotten what I wanted.... thanks to my baby brain! And I’ve lost my way.  For the last 5 months, I have sat on my couch, fed my baby, played with my baby, watched TV while she slept, and eaten all the wrong things in between these activities. 

I know what you’re thinking, “everyone puts on a little bit weight when they have a baby, it’s only natural.” And I’m ok with pregnancy weight gain.  During my pregnancy, I gained 14kg. I could always justify this as a normal weight gain and I wasn’t too upset with it.  But as of today, I now weigh 2kg more than the morning I had my baby.  I was 93kg the morning I went in to hospital.  5 days later, I came home 6kg lighter at 87kg.  So in the last 5 months, I’ve put on 8kg.  And all of it is from not looking after myself, from not caring about myself. And to be honest, it makes me feel disgusted.  And that’s a feeling that I haven’t had in a very long time.

So here it is, my pledge:

I pledge to be a better Mum, role model & Fiancé, to be healthy, fit and happy. In becoming these things, I will reach my goal of weighing 75kg by the 18^th October 2014.

 I don’t plan on counting calories, or eating celery sticks for 12 months.  There is no magic pill that will drop this weight off me.  It will be through hard work and determination. I will be sensible with my food choices and exercise daily.  I will post regular updates on my progress and perhaps a few pics along the way. 

I will make this happen, and it will start now!